MY TESTIMONY

               In a few days, I will finish my 44^th year in prison for a crime I committed when I was a teenager.  I didn’t wake up that morning thinking about committing that crime, but I did intend to commit crimes.  Things got out of control quickly and you can’t predict what other people are going to do.  I made the mistake of thinking that I was in control.  No one is really in control in this world.  We are trying to have control, but really, we just play the odds. And some of us have a bad habit of stacking the odds against ourselves.  I did!

The only one who really has control is God.  He patiently waits for us to realize that.  He is willing to let us stack the odds against ourselves until we put ourselves in positions where we finally realize that we have nothing under control.  Then He can get our attention.  Some people are blessed to realize early on that there is a divine Someone behind this messed up world, weaving all the parts together, and making things good during the chaos.  They come peacefully, and I am a little jealous of them for their easier ride.  The rest of us need to run into walls first for a little while to get our minds right.  That’s ok!  Learning the hard way is still learning.

My life has been interesting taking the long way around to figuring out what is real and what is not, what is important and what is not, what I really want and what I really don’t want.  All these years later, I’m still paying the price of the bad decisions made at the beginning.  The sad thing is that I believed I would have been open to someone showing me a better path early on, but I didn’t know who to listen to, who had the truth, and who had nonsense.  I found the truth the hard way, spent a lot of years walking with that truth, and testing that truth.  I tried and tested all of it.  The only thing and the only One who was finally true was Jesus.  I walk with Him through this insane place and find sanity in Him.  He makes sense of the nonsense, gives meaning to the wasted lives, and purpose where others only see loss.

He gives a good promise, “seek Me with all your heart and I will let you find Me.”  He won’t force Himself on anyone.  He waits for us to come to the end of ourselves and realize that by ourselves, we will never be enough.  We need something more.  I truly wish I had realized that long before.  I hope you are in a place in your life where you are willing to give Him a chance to fill in the missing pieces in your life.  If you have read this, then I have prayed to Him for you.

God Bless You Abundantly,

William Mothershed